When Shaun and I were first married, we moved to Jersey City. It wasn't Manhattan by a long shot - especially 8 years ago - but it was an emerging city where we could afford a really nice apartment in a beautiful neighborhood that was a stone's throw from the Path, a simple underground train that got us to downtown Manhattan in 7 minutes.
We were really happy renting that apartment for two years and then we got an itch to buy something, invest, build equity, and all those things adults are supposed to do. We found a nice sized, beautiful loft-style apartment in a gorgeous new construction building in a not so burgeoning neighborhood in Jersey City. We bought our place thinking we'd be there for 5-7 years, maybe have one child there and then succumb to suburban living, something that seemed far off in the distance of 'someday'. And here we are, 6 years into living in our current home.
I've wanted to write this post for a long time. It's all of my feelings about where we live and the lifestyle we have decided to have for our family. It's not my intention at all to dismiss how awesome having a house on a nice block would be. Shaun and I talk about it all the time, how nice and spacious it would be, especially to have more separation from bedrooms to living space. This post isn't meant to put down the suburbs in any way. I don't believe that one lifestyle is better than the other, they are just different. And it's just not a lifestyle that I ever dreamed of.
I never dreamed of owning a big house with a green lawn and a swing set in the back. No thoughts of refinished basements or hosting large formal dinner parties at a long, beautiful reclaimed wooden dining table {ok, maybe I have dreamed of owning that table}. No garages filled with tools or multiple floors of a home.
Instead, I've always dreamed of more minimal apartment living. I've dreamed of spending weekends walking around bustling city streets, of hopping on a train to quickly get anywhere I want, of living not so far away from where I work, of waking up at 2am and knowing that there's always people around, of having culture, arts, theater, food and more within arm's reach. I always dreamed that my children would grow up in a city where their best friends live upstairs or a stop at the local bodega for a lollipop on the walk home from school is a regular occurrence.
Since we've had Penelope, people around us can't wait for us to move to a house in the 'burbs. We continuously get asked by friends and family when we are going to move, what we are going to do when/if we add another child into the mix and how we possibly make it work now in an apartment with a toddler?
And there are definitely moments when a house - specifically more space - sounds really appealing. When I visit friends whose children each have their own bedroom, or whose kids have a huge basement overfilled with toys, or who have a yard with a beautifully green garden, I can't help but look introspectively and wonder if it wouldn't be great to have those things too. I do dream of a secluded big sky and towering full trees on occasion, but in more of a second home/beach house/cabin type scenario.
But. We love our apartment. We love our community of friends and fellow parents. During Snowstorm Jonas, we spent the evening drinking cocktails and eating through our cupboards with friends. No one had to go anywhere except down the hall. We went to a birthday party in our building the next day. Penelope enjoys our building playroom where she plays with friends after school. If it rains? No problem. She can still ride her trike up and down our crazy long hallways and play in the lobby with friends. In the warm weather, we all gather in front to grill up dinner or let all the kids run around with bubbles.
Will Penelope ever have a huge play train table, or a princess vanity table? Probably not because we just don't have the space. Does that make me sad and occasionally feel like maybe I'm depriving her? Yes.
But, she spends each morning watching real trains ride into Jersey City, she spends weekend days riding on the train from place to place, eating fancy cupcakes and lollipops and corn on the cob. We can easily take her to shows, festivals, galleries and so much more, all without getting into a car. It's just different.
We love our Saturdays at the park and trying out new brunch spots where I try desperately to get P to try anything other than fries. I just don't think we would make the effort to do these things if we weren't in a city.
I would really, really miss these things if we moved to the suburbs. Am I convinced that this move will never happen? No. It's for sure a possibility especially if our family grows with another child or more. And some days, when there's playdoh overtaking half of our floor space or I just can't muster the energy for another toy or clothing clean out, I could see getting on board.
I know these city things aren't for everyone. I bet a lot of people think I'm nuts and wonder what kind of childhood I'm giving my daughter since I don't let people give her lots of big gifts that will take up space that we don't have or that she doesn't have a yard to run around in. I grew up in the suburbs and had a really wonderful life. We lived down the street from our school, I had neighborhood friends, tons and tons of toys and my parents gave me anything I wanted.
But...since I was a kid obsessing over the Babysitters Club books (Stacy was obviously my favorite since she was from the big city and had that bit of edgy mystique), I've wanted to get to the city. As Jersey City grows and grows and continues to flourish, now more than ever, it's exactly where I want to be. And so no, I don't want to move to the suburbs.
Where do you stand? Are you a city dweller? Suburbanite? Secluded country more your style?